dreamstime_4473313hello-my-name-iscropped1

Parenting Fail: You named your baby what???

Ok, I’m only around a year and a half into this parenting thing, and I remember how tough it was to find a good name so i understand people come up with some interesting ideas for those lil bottle-sucking, diaper-destroying bundles of joy.  But after seeing some of the damn names people had the nerve to bestow upon their children in 2013 i’m two chicken wings and a gas card away from starting a petition to establish a Committee of Common Sense to approve baby names before any more lives get destroyed by these remedial people who obviously have no expectation of success for their kids.

Please read the list below carefully.  If you’ve got a kid on the way and have an inclination to use any of the names below (or a variation of them), please raise your right hand, look straight ahead…and slap the shyt out of yourself!  Again, these are REAL names of babies born last year who have absolutely no chance of ever gaining reasonable employment.

Ahmiracle and Dmiracle – The name Miracle alone is passable in most circles, but lets be honest and admit that neither Ahmiracle or her slew-footed, sweaty cousin Dmiracle need to waste any time prepping to run for public office.

Assia – This one isn’t so bad, but its never a good idea to start a name with Ass.  Even if it holds true and you’ve got a Beyonce or Kardashian clone on your hands, kids are going to have a field day making up therapy-inducing nicknames for this kid and no matter what exotic way you attempt to pronounce it this one has more problems than benefits.

Beautyful - First off, this name is being rather presumptuous isn’t it? And wouldn’t it be completely ironic for a baby named Beautyful (spelling alone is an issue here) to grow up looking like a sea donkey?  I mean really, fate says its almost guaranteed to happen so let’s not go down this road, ok?

Younique – There are few names that start with the letter Y i feel ok about, this obviously isn’t one of them.  For some reason i can’t avoid picturing Mo’Nique when i say this name out loud, and that alone is enough for me to hate this name.

Luhv – Keep it real fellas, no matter how fine a girl is, if you step to her at the club and she says her name is Luhv, what’s your first thought gonna be? Yup…either “i wonder where she strips” or “i wonder how much she charges”.

Phone – Yup, someone out there named their kid Phone.  Ok, I guess its better than “Laptop”, but still…these people must not have ran this name by any friends or family ahead of time.  I bet everyone at the hospital just shook their head when they saw the file with this name on it.

Justus – And the award for first kid to go to jail for a crime they might not have committed goes to…

Tru – I’m really hoping against hope that this kid was Asian or something, but alas….i don’t think we’re gonna get that lucky here. This kid better be good at rapping, cause there’s really no other application for this name that will pay off.

Victory – First time this kid loses at anything he/she is an instant liar and that just too much pressure to put on kids.

Pepsi – How did they get this one past the trademark police?  And what if the kid ends up liking Coke? (the drink, not the….nevermind)

Anally – Someone actually decided to name their daughter Anally.  There simply are no words for this.  We need to find this person and end them now.

Kids have it hard enough these days people, let’s not make it any harder on them with names like these.  Heard any other crazy ones?  Comment and let everyone know, we need to stop this shyt from happening asap, the kids are the future!

-AI

Everybody hates Chris

Stupid But Popular Everyday Sayings

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This Post will be simple and fun. I will give you a list of stupid but popular everyday sayings that we use even though technically they make no sense at all. This actually started on a Facebook post of mine so I didn’t come up with all of these but you will enjoy them “none the Less”.

 

  • “None the Less”……. Okay are we talking about negative numbers here because those are the only things I can think of that are less than none.
  • “God helps those who help themselves” ……….. this no where in the bible, sounds spiritual but it would make more sense if it said “God helps those who help others” atleast that is what I was taught God does.
  • You don’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of“………. Ummm that’s not what I use my dishes for. I do have a toliet & indoor plumbing.
  • “At the end of the day”……… Yeah it’s f’king NIGHT !!!!!
  • It is what it is“….. duuuuhhh what else would it f’king be????
  • Good things come to those who wait” …………… you sit on your lazy ass and good luck with that. Good things are earned by those who go out and get them.
  • The pen is mightier than the sword” ………….. let’s see you defend yourself with a pen when the zombie apocalypse starts.
  • Everything happens for a reason” …………. now I’m no scientists but I’m pretty damn sure this one relates to the notion of “cause and effect”.
  • God didn’t bring you to it, to not bring you through it“……… WHY YOU BLAMING GOD FOR YOUR BAD DECISIONS…..
  • LOVE CONQUERS ALL“……. no it doesn’t, love can’t do a thing to your bill collectors ….
  • Everything that glitters ain’t gold” ….. Um I never said it was, only gold is gold according to the periodic table.
  • Same Difference“………. you either don’t know the definition of same or you don’t know the definition of difference.  Also same difference as what and what? You need 3 different things for that to be a viable term. Otherwise you’re not making sense.
  • Don’t talk about it, be about it”……. ummmmm “being about it” takes some balls which is why talking is easier.
  • Dirt Poor” ………okay I can almost live with this one until I hear someone say “Filthy Rich”.
  • What’s done is done“…….. Are you absolutely sure it’s done.
  • “Live and let live“……….. until you kill somebody.
  • “I need a real man“……… When you become a real woman, that might just happen. also technically the xy chromozones mix makes him a man not his actions.
  • It’s not where you’re from, It’s where you’re at“……… WTF does that mean????? define it’s for me please.
  • Back for the first time“……… so um where do you keep your DeLorean parked?
  • “Started from the bottom now we here“……… Wait, you’re in the same spot you’ve been in for 10yrs……
  • People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones“……. why the hell not for example just cuz I’m doing drugs I shouldn’t tell you how wrong it is to do drugs cuz you could throw it back in my face? That’s stupid it’s still great advice and you should listen
  • “You always find it in the last place that you look” ……………..I seriously hope you stop looking once you find it.
  • you’re not about that life” ………………your absolutely right I’m about my life. The one of being a husband, father and all around awesome MAN.
  • It’s really unique“……… Either something is unique or not.
  • “You think your Shit don’t stink“…….. Okay I can understand people thinking they can sing but they can’t(tone-deaf) but if your nose actually works there is no way possible you can honestly say your Shit don’t stink… I’m saying, it’s Shit!
  • It’s cold as hell“…………. Isn’t hell supposed to be hot??? I’m sure 107 degree temperature is also cold as hell.
  • “It’s like searching for a needle in a hey stack“………. yeah ill leave that one to “The Mythbusters” ain’t no body got time for that
  • “You can’t rush a good thing“……… unless it’s food that needs to cook, why would I sit and go crazy waiting especially if I know it’s good.
  • “As the day is long” …….. first of all, HUH? secondly is it less reliable in the Winter?
  • As the world turns“……. So you’re saying you’re as reliable as the world turning and if not we all die? Come on!
  • The best of both worlds” …… Huh, I live on earth???? which world are you living on.
  • “The more things change, the more they stay the same“……… then they didn’t change???? #simplelogic
  • Running for broke“…….  WHAT? I got nothing I never understood this one.
  • “To whom much is given, much is required“……… ummmm where is that written. Give me 100 million dollars and I bet I don’t do a damn thing but play PS4 and have call girls over.
  • “Its raining cats and dogs“……… well I guess I’ll stay indoors today and thank God I have a garage for my car.

And that my friends is my list of Stupid but popular everyday sayings. I could have added more but I’d never get to publish this blog post because the possibilities are endless. But if you feel I missed some really good ones please add them to the comments section.

 

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A rusty old retro arrow sign with the text Guest house

Do’s and Don’ts of the House Guest

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This Post will give better clarity to “The Do’s and Don’ts of the House Guest” but mostly the don’ts.

 

WIFI

If this is your first time at someone’s home, if you are a house guest as a courtesy, or if you are there as someones else’s +1, do not, I repeat do not ask for the password to the home owners wifi.

Now if you are a regular, are going to be over there for at least 8+ hours, are there to work on a school or work project or if you being logged into their wifi benefits the home owner then it’s okay to ask for the password.

Locked Wifi

KITCHEN

Again if this is your first time at someone’s home you should never open their refrigerator  or any of their kitchen cabinets looking for anything unless you have been authorized to do so.

Now if you are a regular don’t ask me to get up and get you anything you get up and get it your damn self.  If you have already asked me for something in the kitchen or where something was and I told you where and let you get it yourself, it is okay for you to get anything you may need in the future. If you are helping me clean up then it’s cool and finally if you are looking for ice for a drink then you have permission to do what you need to do to cool your beverage down.

Frig raider

 

 BATHROOM

Never Ever….ever…ever ….ever…….ever…….ever take a crap at someone’s house if at the moment you realize you have to poo your first thought is “if it’s okay to crap there”. If you don’t know then don’t go. If you immediately don’t know when you get the urge it’s okay for you to purge, then it’s not okay so just suck it back in.

Never use the master bathroom you shouldn’t even be in the master bedroom.

In addition if there is a bathroom downstairs always us that one. Never take it upon yourself to wander upstairs if the bathroom on the main level is occupied unless the home owner has okayed it.

Unisex-toilet-waiting

DOORS 

This one is simple if the door is closed….. don’t open it. Do not go exploring people’s homes unless you have permission. The only door that should be opened if it was closed is the bathroom. people don’t keep the doors in their home closed when they are home alone so obviously if the doors are closed they don’t want you in those rooms.

Do not Enter

CLEANLINESS 

Self explanatory clean up after yourself. Hell be a great house guest and clean up after any other guest you may see slacking. The host was nice enough to have you in their home so at least try to help keep things in order.

If you spill something clean it up.  The majority of time the owner will tell you don’t worry about it and they will clean it themselves. But don’t just walk away and have them clean up your mess.  If they are insisting they don’t need your help then you stand there and watch until they are done.

If you break or destroy something let it be known immediately. There is nothing worse than after your guest leave you find something wrong, a broken toilet, a door off the hinges, your antique vase broken, the glass on your wedding picture frame cracked or a giant spaghetti or fruit punch stain on the carpet.

Mr. Clean kicks ass

RANDOM DON’TS

If you are not sure if you have to take your shoes off make sure your socks are clean and your feet don’t stink before you go to someones home.

If you are there visiting don’t eat or drink the last of anything unless you have already informed to owners that it will be the last.

If you are showering at someone’s home don’t dare think you are Carl Lewis and attempt to make the naked dash from the bathroom to the guest room, put a damn towel on.

Also be respectful, don’t be in the shower 20-30 minutes using all their water when you know when you’re home your showers last 5-7 minutes.

Speaking of showering, if you shower or bathe dry yourself off in the bathroom so by the time you are dry the water should be out of the shower/tub so you can now wash/rinse it out.

Unless the room you are staying in has its own thermostat never change the temperature in someone else’s home.

Never leave dishes in the sink if you and only you are grabbing a snack or something to eat when you are done wash your dishes and clean any mess you may have made.

Never as a house guest invite other people over to hangout.

Never bring or invite someone of the opposite sex over to smash unless it is previously discussed that it is okay to do so. Never put your friend on the spot and make them feel like they are in the way of you getting some ass.

Don’t start asking to borrow things just because you see they have it. “Can I borrow some DVDs”, “let me borrow your vacuum cleaner”, “can I use your garden hose”, or “can I use your hair clippers”.

When it comes to the TV don’t assume just because you may have been the one to turn the TV on and you have the remote control that you are in control over what is being watched. Not your house not your TV.

Unless you are smashing the home owner do not be walking/lounging around in your underwear.

FINALLY!!!!! If you smoke and the person whose house you’re over doesn’t, do not smoke in their house. Don’t even ask them if it’s okay because even if they are fine with you smoking in their home no one really wants to be still smelling your Newports after you leave.

 

IF YOU FEEL I’VE MISSED ANYTHING PLEASE ADD IT IN THE COMMENTS!!!

keep calm and do better

god bless america

America the Greatest Country in the World?

Hello World,

 

I’m sure some of you will get mad at this post but hopefully the majority of you will agree with it and decide to try to create real change in OUR COUNTRY!

I’ll start off with a Youtube clip that actually could be this entire post and my entire argument.

 

 

 

Everything that was stated in the above video is actually fact. So what makes us “The Greatest nation in the world”?  Is it our democracy that is actually ran by the Federal Reserve Bank(nothing federal about it, it’s a corporation)and Corporations. Is it our Military who is actually the only military in history to have used nuclear weapons on another nation(Twice). And who since 9/11 has spent enough money on “The War on Terror” to send everyone who has graduate from high school in that same time frame to college for 4 years. Is it our school systems that doesn’t teach kids how to work for themselves but teach them to work for others? An education system that doesn’t even teach real lessons anymore. We have an education system that teaches kids only what they need to know to pass a standardized test but not what they need to know to grow as intellectuals. A country that lets companies/corporations add what ever additives they want into our food, waters and medications. Although we have a organization that regulates them, they never block anything until people start getting sick and force them to. Is it because we are a country where going to college can have you in debt for the rest of your life or having an unforeseen illness or accident can also have you in debt your entire life and/or force you into bankruptcy. Or is it because we are a country who creates false wars in-order to invade a territory take it over then build a military presence and bleed that territory of it’s goods and minerals or just have that territory be a midway point to our actual target.

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a sold out america. america the greatest country in the world?

 

Could it be the citizens of this Country that make it the greatest country in the world? Citizens who kill each other over the colors they wear, the way they have their hat turned, because of the clothes they wear(hoodies or saggin pants), because of the music they listen to, because they decide to text during a movie that you spent your $12 to see. Sure there are people killed in other countries but in the ones they always show on “THE NEWS” that are suppose to make everyone but Americans seem like savages, those people are killing to Eat, to Practice their own beliefs, to not be suppressed and oppressed, to let their voices be heard in an unjust regime. Hmmm, those sound like the things we used to fight for in this country. Now we kill people for knocking on our door asking for help because their car broke down.

stand your ground

stand your ground doesn’t work in america. america the greatest country in the world?

 

Maybe we are the greatest country because of the citizens who fight for the rights of animals but could care less about there neighbors.  Or maybe because of the citizens who make themselves “feel” better by donating to foreign countries after feeling guilty watching those commercials but will walk past and ignore 5 homeless people on their way into work. Or is it because citizens who can’t get along long enough to realize they have the power to stop things like Net Neutrality and companies like Capital One from saying they can Show up to Cardholders homes and work place to collect a debt, which only opens it up to small(should be illegal) debt collection companies to do the same thing.

EUREKA!!!

I know what makes America the greatest country in the world. It’s the fact that we all blindly allow the government to get a percentage of the money we worked hard for. I’m still waiting for someone to explain paying Taxes to me… I understand taxes on goods but why are you taxing my pay and why if I get a bonus for the good job I’ve done you tax that and at a higher percentage. Hell, in Georgia, when you buy a car you pay taxes for buying it then if you turn around and sale that same car you have to pay taxes for money made from your sell. Hmmmm, that makes no sense to me but hey that’s what makes us the Greatest country in the world we blindly do what ever our government tells us to do.

uncle_sam_taxes

no taxation without representation. america the greatest country in the world?

I can go on and on with this subject, however I’ve already written twice as much as I normally do so I ask you this . Please AMERICA(NS), explain to me why America is the greatest country in the world? And please don’t say because of our freedom; in America they still tell us what we can and can’t do, which I understand is to keep order; however, when you do things that are “supposedly” okay, you will get in trouble if they don’t like the way you did them, who you are ,or the results you got.

Okay seriously I’m done . So, please, help me understand what makes America The Greatest Country in the World? I know what it use to be but it seems we have lost our way.

 

 

BLOG JAMES

WE’RE BAAAAAAAACK!!!!!

 

 

Well kinda, lol. Stay tuned my peoples, 2minds1brain have finally returned!!